Fred Thompson Facts

I don't make this up, I only report.

• Fred Thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.
• Fred Thompson's favorite book is a battered copy of The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress which he used to beat a hippy to death with.
• In an election, it costs ten dollars to vote for Fred Thompson since voting for him is a privilege, not a right.
• What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Fred Thompson appears out of nowhere and beats the crap out of both of them.
• Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.
• Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.
• When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.
• If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.
• You can safely view Fred Thompson using a shoe box with a pin-sized hole in one end.
• While he is opposed to gay marriage, Fred Thompson is very compassionate towards gays since, in comparison to him, every man is a flaming homosexual.

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